60,000 Active Soldiers to Be Circumcised In Ndauga

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In her attempt to curb the menace of HIV-AIDS infection in the country, the government of Ndauga has finalized arrangements to circumcise the majority of her active soldiers.

Making the announcement, while brandishing sharp razor blades and machetes, the country`s armed forces medical officer, Veste Gashamu announced that 60,000 selected soldiers would be circumcised within three years. “It is scientifically proved that circumcision reduces the possibility of contracting AIDS, hence our decision.“ Dr. Gashamu explained confidently. However, when asked by Kata Kata correspondent the criteria for his selection of the soldiers, the forces medical officer looked a bit rather uncomfortable and stammered:

“I can assure you that the selection has nothing to do with the concerned soldiers` sexual escapades. I`ve read in various news media that the selected soldiers are those whom the force considers danger to the skirt, but that is a sheer fabrication.“ The chief medical officer`s clarification was followed by uncontrollable laughter from the Press Corp.

But not all the affected soldiers found the proposed exercise or Dr. Gashamu`s joke funny. Nor did they accept the doctor`s explanation without reservations. One junior officer, who claimed to have 12 children from 7 different women told Kata kata`s correspondent on the condition of anonymity for fear of being reprimanded by his senior colleagues, that he considered the exercise a cultural infringement and violation of his principle of love. Worse still, other soldiers saw some diabolic connection with the proposal.

“What are they going to do with all the pounds of flesh, they cut from the 60,000 soldiers?   Do those Shylocks want to make muchomo meat out of it? Or do they want to start foreskin business? I am sure they want to make juju with our wasted foreskin. That can even render one impotent. I tell you, me I don`t joke with my manhood oh. No one should tamper with it. Period!“ Another 47 – year – old sergeant insisted vehemently.

The announcement by the Ndauga peoples defence force (NPDF)   that the circumcision exercise would be in a partnership with the SU mission in Ndauga, did less than create more suspicion of exercise amongst the military. The doubt is not entirely surprising having in mind the long held belief in the country that AIDS is an American invention. That belief clearly explains the fact that the majority of the country baptized AIDS as American Invension to Destroy Sex and has stubbornly resisted the government enlightenment program, which promotes the use of a condom. “You don`t wear an underwear or cloth under the shower, do you?` One man on the street near the “Clock Tower” square asked our reporter cynically when she asked him what he thought about using condom during an intercourse. Perhaps the attitude explains the reservations of the military towards the circumcision program as well as the SU partnership.

“Our government should wake up and don`t allow Americans to start a business with our foreskin. Before you know it, our foreskin would end up in different science laboratories across the SU. Any right-thinking person should resist this sexual imperialism` One Corporal Odunga screamed. Before he could finish his condemnation of the exercise, one superior officer walked passed him.

“Morning Sir“ Corporal Odunga saluted at a full attention.

“You like the circumcision idea?“ The superior asked casually.

.”Yes Sir. That is a good idea, Sir. Aids is very bad, sir“

To demonstrate their commitment, the SU embassy in Ndauga on Wednesday made a donation of seven vehicles and equipment to launch three complete mobile army surgical units to the Ndauga peoples defence force (NPDF). The donation, according to the SU mission, would go a long way in creating easier access to circumcision male mobile (CMM) in all five NPDF divisions. Donating the equipment, which the SU mission valued at approximately $763,00, the mission`s spokesperson, Mr. Buuza re-emphasized the importance of circumcision –   a vital part of the Combination Prevention Package, which includes condoms, being faithful to your partner, and knowing your HIV status – which he said could help reduce male HIV infection by over 60 percent.

The demand for the CMM has made the NPDF to open four static sites in the 4 regions of the country since 2009.   However, since the sites are static, it could not serve the entire force. There is little doubt therefore that the arrival of the new mobile army surgical units from the SU will go a long way in making the circumcision exercise available in the remote areas where there are little or no fixed facilities available. More than that, it will help the government of Ndauga to achieve her goal of circumcision of its 60,000 active soldiers.


Certainly, both the SU mission and the NPDF have a tough job ahead convincing the country`s service men that it is in their best interest to undergo circumcision exercises. Even though President Venimuse did wonders, by drastically reducing the AIDS epidemics in Ndauga to a very minimal level, making his enviable achievement a living example of what could be achieved in Caafri with the help of vision and commitment. However, the strategy did not touch much cultural sensibility. With the majority of the Ndaugan population being highly sceptical both about the circumcision exercises itself and the SU involvement, the “old wise tortoise,“ the president might well be called upon again to apply the same magic formula like he did some years back in order to find the right equation to the present circumcision program. Otherwise, all the donations and awareness campaign might meet a dead road if the soldiers continue believing that that highly treasured part of their body is in danger of encroachment.

The above story is a parody.  It is entirely fictitious; therefore none of the characters mentioned in the story are real.