Billions Belonging to Muammar Gaddafi Found in South Africa

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If one would believe the Forbes publications, Bill Gates and Carlos slim were – and still are – on top of the world richest chart. However, the latest news coming from South Africa has revealed that billions of dollars belonging to the former Libya strongman, late Muammar Gaddafi have been found in South Africa.

In their relentless hunt for the slain dictator Gaddafi’s missing billions stashed in different countries, Libya authorities have discovered, billions in cash, diamond, gold, donkey, elephant and even in ostrich egg, belonging to late Muammar Gaddafi carefully hidden in South Africa.

Tracing the funds said to have been deposited through the once feared Libya’s former intelligence chief, Abdullah al-Senussi, who is in jail in Libya, the investigators located the assets in South Africa. The discovered asset, when added together with more billions discovered in other parts of the world ““ and don`t talk about billions of dollars found in his bedrooms and toilets of his female bodyguards ““ would make the likes of Bill Gates and Carlos Slims look like a street hawker in Mogadishu. Even though the new discovery is just the tip of the iceberg of the estimated $80-billion of late dictator`s assets believed to be stocked in foreign countries, the new $1-billion asset in South Africa is believed to be the largest discovery so far. However, the $80-billion assets do not include other billions in Libya belonging to the late dictator Gaddafi.

In their attempt to repatriate the stolen billions, believed to be held in four banks and   two security companies in South Africa, the Libyan authorities have held secret meetings with their South African counterparts to reach a mutual agreement. The spokesperson for President Jacob`s government Cam Harajma intimated Kata Kata`s reporter in South Africa, that the Libyan officials have been referred to the National Treasury.

“This is a good day for us Libyans and Africa in general. We need money for infrastructures ““ especially after the costly war, which saw the end of the 41 ““ year dictatorial era.“ Responded one of the Libyan officials happily, to Kata Kata`s reporter`s question, after the officials have met with representatives of the South Africa government.
But not everyone is happy about the billion dollar discovery. Our West Africa correspondent reported that the family of late General Sani Abacha in Nigeria was shocked over the newly found billions in South Africa. For those who might have doubts over Abacha family`s patriotism and incorruptibility, hear one of their family spokespersons who called himself Issa:

” Until now we had the privilege of being regarded as the richest family in Africa. More than that, our sophisticated and extensive professional expertise in foreign banking was second to none. Forget about the arrant nonsense and a bunch of watery accusations from the Swiss banks. With the latest South Africa billion ““ dollar discovery, brother Gaddafi (may his soul rest in peace) has put a serious challenge and dent to our blossom reign. Regardless, we must give our brother the respect of smartly investing in donkeys, ostrich egg and elephants .“

Equally, Mr Bill Gates is said not to be enthusiastic over the latest news from South Africa, according our moles close to the Gates family. The unhappiness of the millionaire philanthropist has less to do with whether he and his wife Melinda, have run short of billions of dollars to ship to their various charity organisations across the globe – especially in Africa. Nor do they have problems finding a tipper to load these billions of dollars to Africa. No. Far from that, according to our source. The Gates, we are told, have problems with “fastidious elements in Africa and beyond“ who not only do not pay taxes to the authorities, but use their illicit billions dumped in foreign accounts to help develop the infrastructures of these foreign countries at the expense of their own miserable citizens. Worse still, according to our source, some of the “fraudulent crooks“ who are forced (“˜force“ of course. Or do you think they want to wake up one day from their water bed and tell their citizens they want to go on a sabbatical leave?) to leave the leadership arena in their countries have mastered elaborate plans to work harmoniously with new governments to   share the bounty ” fairly.“ However, our reporter could not ascertain why the new governments in Africa are   infected by, what some in Africa have called ” scratch   my back , I scratch yours“ syndrome of the former leader (or their   family, in case of the leader`s death) , whereby the government   allows the former to return only fractional part of the ill gotten billions to the States while the palm of the family of the former leader is greased with the rest of the bounty.
“The reckless leadership and gullibility in Africa often put heavy challenges to our humanitarian works in the continent. It is frustrating because on the one hand, you know those forgotten and uncollected billions belong the State and poor citizenry, who are dying for help; yet one feels responsible because they have a selfless mission.“
But Mr Rockstar Muchuno, the spokesperson of former President Mobutu   Sese Seko`s family sees it differently.
“Mr Gates is not the Pope, nor is he allergic to illicit money. Look at unnecessary computer components he floods into the market in the name Microsoft products, which individuals are often forced to buy. Often one is left with little or no choice. You call that honest money?“ Mr Muchuno lambasted angrily.

When reminded that Mr Gates made his money through his sweat and that his wealth has created millions of jobs and saved numerous lifeless lives in many countries, Mr Muchuno smiled.
“Maybe we need to first agree on the definition of   “sweat“ otherwise, one might be confronted with definitional problems. You think it does not take much planning and river of sweat to get those billions transferred? Talking about helping the citizens, have you ever taken the interest and pains to ask our front persons and their   families whether they are taken care of? Or are they not part of the citizenry.“ Mr Rockstar Muchuno queried our reporter rudely.

Unfortunately, the reporter could not ascertain, before going to press, Mr Muchuno`s claim   that Mr Sese Seko`s front men (and the likes) are well taken care of by their masters. Until that is proven beyond reasonable doubts, one might not be blamed for understanding the Gates`s anger and frustrations.
The above story is a parody. It is entirely fictitious; therefore none of the characters mentioned in the story are real