We all know Agama hardly can control his insatiable desire for two things: beer and women. One day, Agama sees a beautiful damsel while he is drinking. So much hypnotized by the beauty of the lady, Agama mistakenly puts the bottle of the beer he is drinking in his nose instead of the mouth. Trust Kata Kata Village ladies, she has seen how carried away Agama has become; she does not waste time to grab the opportunity and milk her mesmerized suitor.
Within a few minutes, Agama is sitting next to her, spending extravagantly on her, turning beer into urine. Trust Agama, he must boast and tell her how rich and influential he is. What do you expect from one of the rare individuals from Kata kata village, who can speak bombastic English? You better blow your trumpet, Agama would insist. The more he talks his Sugarcandy mountain stories, the more she nods her head in agreement – as if she just wants to please Agama with her responses. Is he getting on her nerves with his stories? Agama wonders. Regardless, it has become clear to Agama that he is not hitting the right target. He has to change his strategy and go ballistic. You think only Kim Jong-un can?
“What will it take to win your love, my Early Morning Sun?” Agama asks, romantically.
“Nothing much; just a diamond ring.” She responds calmly, with her eyes fixed on the uncomfortable Agama, who obviously is doing all he can to please her. A diamond ring wouldn’t be a big deal for someone, who claims to be swimming in the ocean of money, would it?
“ You are such a modest woman. That is a small gift for Kata Kata Village Dangote like me.”
Two days later, Agama googles, upgrades and downloads the latest version of his brain engine, trying to come up with the plans to honour her wish. How can I pay for such? Anger, fear, disenchantment, and frustration take the bigger part of him. How can he have put himself in such a mess, he wonders angrily. Ahaa! He has a solution.
1 week later. In a jewellery shop.
AGAMA (points a gun on the shopkeeper): Just open the drawer with the diamond ring. Now!! SHOPKEEPER (opens the drawer): Please don’t shoot, take whatever you want.
AGAMA: Hands up!
SHOPKEEPER (Hands up. terrified)
2 minutes later…….Nza comes in..
NZA: Papa What are you doing with my Christmas toy?
AGAMA: I’ve told you many times never to call my name when I am working. I need much concentration, lad.