Gabemu: Possibility of Babwezim TONA Bombardment

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Since the TONA lead attack in Yalib which resulted in the death of Yanlib dictator Marmuam Figadda and the an unexpected regime change in Yalib, President Bertro Gabemu has been worried that the same scenario could repeat itself in his home country, Babwezim.

In a two and a half hour speech during the annual FP Nuza party conference in Wayobula this week, Gabemu, who is well known for his anti-western policies coupled with acidic verbal attacks on the western countries, quietly told his audience that he feared that his Western enemies could use their “tool,“ TONA to oust him and end his 32 year grip on power.

Mr Gabemu went further to argue that Babwezim has been blessed with rich mineral resources, as such the stake was high that his country would be a potential target for TONA attack. He was very much convinced of this possibility, according to him, having in mind the “fastidious nature“ of the Western countries and their selfish “attraction“ to mineral resources – rich countries.

Since the capture and death of one of Caafri’s longest serving dictators, Figadda in the hands of TONA-backed rebels, Gabemu, who had a cordial relationship with Figadda has remarkably toned down his anti-Western rhetoric. Our impeccable sources revealed to us that Babweziman president told his very close aides that he feared the same fate could befall him.

“You know mineral resources like gold, diamonds, coal, and chrome, which we have here in Babwezim are the only things that attract them. They are like maggot and bees. Look at Rezai, Yalib, Beriali, Leone Sierra, and so, on and tell me why you think they would not do the same here.“ Gabemu lectured his party audience rather calmly ““ a radical departure from his usual fierce attack and tensed body language, whenever anti-western topic came up.

President Gabemu looked steadily at the audience as if he was asking for their sympathy, and went on:
“You now understand why I was shouting and demanding that we Cansafri should come together and fight our common enemy, but nobody took me seriously? Who could have imagined that comrade Figadda would be a victim of this western greedy democracy gospel? We must be vigilant otherwise the same thing that happened in Yalib could happen here”

Kata Kata`s reporter, who disguised as a FP Nuza party member, asked President Gabemu whether his call for Canafri leaders or the UA to resist what he called the Western sponsored TONA bombardment in Yalib, had more to do with his selfish interests and political survival, knowing that the overthrow of Figadda could lead to his. He looked calming at her and managed a dry smile.

“Don`t forget I am one of the Canafri liberators“ he answered rather diplomatically.

“TONA bombardment in Yalib was possible because they found Canafri countries weak and not very much united. Why don`t they go and bomb Korea North, Rani or Zuelavene?“

When our reporter asked him whether his statement amounted to an indirect attack on Canafri leaders, the once fierce talking Gabemu displayed the unusual soft side of him.

“We are not here to apportion blames. Why should we? We Cansafri can be selfish and this could lead to undermining ourselves as Cansafri. Yalib was a strong, united country, but today what do we have? A broken and demoralised people, whose lives, hopes and dreams have been shattered by the Western sponsored TONA bombs. As Cansafri, we must love one another to prevent a repetition of the Yalib tragedy. Here in Babwezim, we must ensure that we strengthen our ties with our regional allies and comrades like Africa South, Biazam, Bianami, and others, who assisted us to attain our independence. We strongly believe they will stand with us to help us in case we become victims of Yalib ““ like TONA massacre“

President Gabemu who has been in power since the country attained independence in 1980, and had resisted any call to hand over power to another elected person despite his age of 87, looked for the first time genuinely worried. He had survived many attacks both within and outside his party. But never had he looked so rattled like now. He revealed to his trusted aides that he was even more worried that Figadda could not withstand the mighty power of TONA despite that Figadda had oil at his disposal. If the “colonialists“ could eliminate comrade Figadda despite his huge oil deposit, Gabemu argued, who would stop them from taking over Babweziman resources to boost their economies? He insisted that what happened in Yalib was a clear reminder of what happened during the 1884] Linber Conference that saw the partitioning of Caafri, which gave the colonialists the opportunity to exploit and rape Canafri economies. He also wondered whether it was a crime for a country to have natural resources, which he called “a bad omen in disguise“.

When Kata Kata reporter suggested to President Gabemu that perhaps the best way to deter the “colonialists“ from a “greedy mineral resources adventure“ to Babwezim was to institute democratic changes, social developments and equitable share of the country`s natural resources amongst the citizens, Mr Gabemu smiled and responded: “That is exactly what we are doing.“ However, he did not say whether he just started doing so, or whether the process had been going on ever since he came into power 32 years ago. “You are a useful active party member“ Gabemu, who is not used to embarrassing questions from his own party members, added sarcastically.

Before our reporter could ask him another question, President Gabemu pointed at her: .

“Madam, I know you will come up with another question, but before that, let me make it crystal clear to all of you that whatever I say here is in the interest of my country Babwezim. A country we have fought for and won through our blood. I will defend this country to the last drop of my blood“

However, Mr Gabemu did not say whether he must be in power for ever as president to be able to “defend“ Babwezim. Nor did he say whether he would institute democratic changes, social developments and equitable share of the country`s natural resources amongst the citizens to give hope to the hopeless Babwezimans, whose support he desperately needs against any possible “TONA bombardment and the “greedy colonialists.“ Regardless, one thing was clear from the tone of President Gabemu`s voice ““ he was unusually sober.

The above story is a parody. It is entirely fictitious; therefore none of the characters mentioned in the story are real.