Often, when katakata (trouble, pandemonium, problems, chaos.) starts coming your way, you mostly take all necessary steps within your power to have it solved or “suppressed,” as the case may be. You definitely, need a therapy to tackle those social challenges or problems. With this in mind, it has become apparently clear to us why our office received an unexpected phone call yesterday from the embattled Nigerian minister of Aviation Ms. Ella St Ahodu requesting us to send her some “therapy“ to cope with her present challenges in life. Asked what kind of therapy she had in mind, she replied desperately “your Kata Kata Cartoon Magazine, of course.“
The request is not unexpected. Definitely, not when the honorable minister is experiencing one problem after another. Resorting to the therapeutic Kata Kata magazine to keep life going, despite all odds, is not only understandable; it is an advisable step altogether.
Since October 2013, the minister of Aviation, Ms. Ella St Ahodu had been enmeshed in an N255 million armored car gate scandal. The minister was accused of forcing the Nigeria Civil Aviation Authority, NCAA, an agency under her supervision, to purchase for her, two flashy expensive bulletproof BMW cars at the exorbitant price of N255million. While the soft speaking minister was busy clearing the foggy road ahead and weathering the thunderous tempest trying to sink her envious job, following the revelation of her bullet-proof car scandal, another dangerous storm started. This time, the minister was accused of falsifying her academic credentials. Ms. Ella St Ahodu`s acclaimed Master’s degree from St. Paul’s College as well as her assertion that she was awarded an honorary doctorate by a non-existing Pacific Christian University in the United States was put under intense scrutiny.
Hours after the certificate scandal became a subject of public discourse, the profile of the embattled Minister of aviation Ms. Ella St Ahodu suddenly disappeared from the website of the ministry. The disappearance only added more mystery to the subject. If anything, the doctoring of the minister`s profile ended up creating more suspicion and doubts about the minister`s standpoint. Is the minister hiding something or is her action a tactical admission?
” Hiding what? Since when have you become our website administrator? We update our website regularly, so I don`t understand the fuss“ Replied one Mr Ajayi, who spoke to our reporter on the phone.
Asked why the link to Ms. Oduah’s profile had been deactivated and all references to St. Paul’s College removed from the site, he stammered:
“You see…. You know we often have deadly viruses on the computer. I assume you are a computer literate yourself, so you know what I mean.“
“Could it be that this virus, after supposedly attacking the website of the aviation ministry, marched gallantly to the personal website of the minister, fearlessly attacked it and mercilessly removed any reference to St. Paul’s College?“ Our reporter asked.
“Ahaaa! You see why I said you are a computer literate. You now understand what the honorable minister meant when she insisted she had many seen and unseen enemies, as such, she needed bullet ““ proof cars? I mean a car. First, they tried to eliminate her through assassins, she successfully thwarted their efforts by ordering those bullet-proof cars.. am.. Yes“¦ car; now they came after her through internet remote. We have since sent an urgent request to the President and members of the House of Representatives requesting their immediate approval of another N355million for armored computers.“ Mr Ajayi responded.
“Haven`t you heard of that?
“N355million, just for computers?“ Kata Kata reporter asked, surprised.
“That one is even a small amount. You see, assassins you can bribe, but how do you bribe a stubborn virus? That invisible killer is even more dangerous that visible criminals! Ajayi defended.
The purchase of the cars generated outrage because its cost was believed to have been inflated, and it was neither listed in the government-approved budget nor did it comply with the Nigeria’s public procurement law. Hence the purchased cars became a public discourse. Subsequently, the Nigerian House of Representatives recommended that President Goodluck Jonathan sack the minister. The president is yet to act on that.
With the latest N355million extra demand from the aviation minister for “armored computers,“ it is expected, some argued, that most members of the House of Representatives will, most obviously, have the moral duty to approve the amount and save the aviation minister from any external attack.
Although those close to the aviation minister are very austere with words over her academic qualifications, the institution where the minister claimed she received her degrees was not.
“We only confer undergraduate degrees. We did not confer a graduate degree to anyone ““ except Ms. Ella St Ahodu. She happened to be the only graduate student of this honourable institution. According to our record, Ms. Ella St Ahodu graduated with a Bachelor of Science in Business Administration, majoring in Accounting, in 1982.” Helen Jackson, the school’s Registrar responded in a telephone with Kata Kata Cartoon Magazine yesterday.
With such a clarification coming from no other person than the Registrar of St. Paul’s College, those members of the House of Representatives who had asked President Goodluck Jonathan to sack the minister might instead consider sending a letter of apology to the hunted minister of aviation.
While waiting for those apology letters, the embattled minister needs some sober reflections to enable her act judiciously. Perhaps another dose of Kata Kata Cartoon Magazine would help her relax while she tackles these challenges in life.
You now understand why Ms. Ella St Ahodu, the Nigerian Aviation Minister has ordered more Kata Kata Magazine ““ at all costs?.
The above story is a parody. It is entirely fictitious; therefore none of the characters mentioned in the story are real.