USENI (on the phone): Hello! Hallo!! Alooo!! Eeee even network problem reach heaven. Me, I don understand dis MTN, Airtel or Safaricom bad-bad network nonsense.
VOICE FROM HEAVEN: Hello!
USENI: Aloo!! Is dat God?
VOICE FROM HEAVEN: No! This is Peter!
USENI: Eee! Oga Peter, how your end? Me, I wan’ speak to your Oga
USENI (angry): You don’ know your master again? Which kind nonsense “who” question is dat one? You servants can annoy person too much! I say me, I wan’ talk to God. Or you wan’ first collect bribe from me before you allow me talk to Him? I beg call him quick – quick before…
PETER: I am afraid you cannot talk to Him. He is very busy with many problems and…
USENI (mad): Peter! You head knock engine or it go Damascus fight ISS? So my problem is not seriousem or it no merit God attention? Which one is dis “he’s busy with oder problem” nonsense?. God say we can talk to him anytime we wan’ – especially when we get problem; now you tell me I cannot talk to …..
PETER: But …
USENI: But wat? I say go tell him say his friend Useni, de original Useni from Kata kata Village wan’ talk to him….
PETER: I am sorry, but he is extremely busy and….
USENI: Haba! why you apprentice Peter stubborn like pregnant mosquito? Simple request from me, you start to tell me nonsense. Wot happen if you become God yourself? You make “talk-to-God” curfew or wot?
GOD: Hello Useni! How are you?…
USENI (happy): Ahaaaa! Now you are talking…
USENI: (to Peter) You hear him call me? He even know my name well- well …
GOD: How can I help you, Useni?
USENI: I beg, leave dis your Peter, let’s take man to man. Ahaa, me I’ve question before network go bad again. Why you tell dat jankaliwo juju man say, dat pant is from my wife? Haba, how you forget quick – quick dat me I no have wife?
GOD: Which Juju man? Pant?
USENI (to Peter): He no know wot pant is again?
GOD: I am Just surprised
USENI: Which juju man? Wait oh! So you don’ even know which….
GOD: Useni, there are millions, who call my name every second and claim to speak on my behalf, so could you tell me which…
USENI: You don know Anighini! De juju man, now! He say de pant I bring for him is from my wife, but dat one no true…..
GOD: Did he say that I told him so? Hum!
USENI: Which one is “hum”? You don’ find dat one serious or…..…?
GOD: Very serious indeed!
USENI: Me, I find dat one more dan serious…
GOD: Why would you prefer to talk to me through an intermediary, rather than directly – just like you do now?
USENI: Wait oh! Dat one is good question. Eeee! Useni you stupid more dan sheep!
GOD: I didn’t say so…
USENI: Me, I say so. You God too polite. Me, I know I stupid too much! I have mouth, ear, brain, but why I don’ talk to ……
USENI: Hello! Aloo! You’re still there? Alooo…..
Have you ever wondered why the West is less “religious” than the third world countries? I am not sure those in the western countries do have any personal problems with God. Nor is “God” allergic to performing “miracles” in those churches and mosques in the West. Not sure God is discriminatory. Perhaps the difference between the Western and African attitude and relationship to God lies in the saying that God is knowledge and power. When you look at the reality on the ground, it becomes clear why the West has not mortgaged their thinking faculty to the shrewd religious charlatans, unlike their African counterparts.
Imagine. Just think rationally without sentiments. There was an Ebola outbreak in Africa. Thousands of people were dead. Aids epidemics were killing innocent people in millions in Africa. Human sacrifices and other ritual killings were the order of the day. Killings and sacrifices aimed at getting rich, personal protection and longevity have come to stay. Donation of your hard earned money to the churches or mosques to make God increase your wealth and take away problems, sicknesses and other social and health challenges in your life has become part of life in Africa. The counting goes on. These are a true picture of African social realities. The question is: Why are these negative situations so rampant in Africa? The answer is not far-fetched. It revolves around the issue of knowledge and power. The western world, albeit their own problems and shortcomings, has the ability to avoid many such situations above, simply because they have the power and knowledge to do so. It does not mean the West is invincible. But it does not mean either that Ebola disease only targets Africans. No. far from that. When such a deadly disease surfaces in the western world, they, in most cases, have the power (not just in terms of resources, but the willingness and determination, as well) to immediately tackle the sickness and prevent it from causing a mayhem. Is that the case in Africa? Hardly not. A health minister or official, who has his children living abroad, will rather embezzle the money voted for the vaccine and allow the deadly virus to spread. In this case, the African official might have the medical knowledge or expertise to minimize the spread of the disease, but the power to halt the spread is lacking. But that does not mean that the West is immune to problems.
A common knowledge tells you that building houses or other building constructions with solid materials and following specific approved conditions and specifications would help avoid or minimise calamities – especially in the time of unexpected natural disaster. So when an earthquake or flood strikes and kills thousands, it did not happen because God has problems with Africa or third world countries. Hardly not. Countries like Japan have had their share of earthquakes calamities. Clearly, the victims and destructions would definitely have been more if they happened in a third world country. The obvious realities are that the leaders in that latter part of the world have failed to use their power and knowledge to save lives, creating a unique opportunity for other sharks in the society – the religious leaders, who feed fat on the gullibility of the poor. So, logically speaking, therefore, instead of spending your much-earned income on your religious leaders to help you pray against misfortune, disaster, sickness etc, you could save your money and time and hold your leaders accountable for their failures.
That brings one to the notion that knowledge and power are “god.” Let me explain before I am accused of blasphemy. I do not mean to say that you become or rub shoulders with God when you have power and knowledge. No. Power and knowledge may help you have more control over your life and avoid you falling victims to charlatans and crooks. Your power to take care of your life helps you make the right choices and decisions in life. Your knowledge would tell you not to believe your fastidious pastors and Imams who discourage you to take medicine while you are sick and rather encourage you to pay them money to pray so that God can remove the sickness from you. Taking proper care of your health would help you avoid a sudden death as a result of a heart attack or stroke and minimise sicknesses like diabetics, high blood pressure etc. Furthermore, such a knowledge of your medical needs would help you avoid believing that your neighbour is responsible for the sudden death of your family member, who obviously died of heart problems.
Seeing the challenging problems confronting the third world countries today, hardly means that those in the West are more intelligent (well, let’s leave the definition of “intelligence” for now!) than their third world counterparts. Likewise, that the West is less likely to find solace in or falls prey to the sweet-mouthed preaching of religious and political does not automatically mean the Westerners do not believe in God at all. Some do, but most do not need lies from those leaders to make the right decisions in their lives or survive. The Western societies and institutions are well structured in such a way that citizens do not easily fall prey to the deceits of their (religious and political) leaders. That is the result of the good leadership. You have good social and medical systems that take good care of you when you are facing difficulties. But it is far from the truth to proclaim the West perfect. Regardless, you hardly need those who tell you they represent God and that your problems can only be solved through them – and of course, you have to pay them financially for being an intermediary. The question you may have forgotten to ask yourself is, how much do those religious leaders pay to God, their master? Nothing. And you still pay those leaders?
Accepted that your religious leaders may claim to be an intermediary between you and God. Let us even agree that our leaders (political, religious or otherwise) are better, more experienced and knowledgeable than you, as such, you need their “services.” Would it not be better to do more than those leaders who have up till today, failed to live up to your expectations and have totally failed you, so that you do not need their services? Do you need to communicate with God? Make yourself holy and talk to Him directly rather than going through an unknown intermediary. Instead of accepting a bag of sugar from corrupt leaders and voting for crooks to change your life and social situation and lead you to the promised land, use your knowledge and power, and know that a wrong choice could mean a hazardous future not only for you but rather for your future generations.
At the end of the day, your knowledge and power could be your “God.”
Related articles: https://katakata.org/are-human-beings-partly-the-architects-of-their-miserable-conditions/ https://katakata.org/african-social-problems-religious-business/ https://katakata.org/religion-africa-bunch-irony/