Zimbabwe: A Choice Between President Mugabe And Civil War?

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Looking at the political reality of Zimbabwe, the wisest thing Zimbabweans must do to avoid a fierce civil war in their country is to pray that President Robert Mugabe wakes up every morning. It might sound mental to say, but what happens when even the fiercest critics and archetypal enemies of Uncle Mugabe think same?

For those who complain that President Mugabe has overstayed in power or some of us who want him to leave the political arena or go into oblivion as quickly as possible, listen to the warning of Tendai Biti, leader of the People`s Democratic Party. Ready? Here he goes: Zimbabweans must brace for a fierce civil war if President Robert Mugabe “does not wake up one morning”. Whether you love or hate President Mugabe, better wake up, light up your holy candles and get your chaplets ready for intensive prayers and fasting for Uncle Mugabe`s longevity and everlasting stay in power. No, it is not about personal interests here; the interest of Zimbabwe as a country is at stake and must come foremost. You better begin to understand Tendai Biti, the former finance minister and one of Mugabe`s nemeses better.

But before you conclude that Tndai Biti is planning a bedroom coup against Grace, understand his worries. While addressing his supporters in Masvingo at the weekend, Tendai Biti, who is very much aware of the power strife in Zimbabwe and lack of a clear heir apparent to President Mugabe, suggested the dire need for a national transitional authority (NTA) to take care of the country`s affairs in case President Mugabe is no more around. In case President Mugabe is no more around? Where is he going?

Perhaps, you did not get it clearly. “How will Zimbabwe react when it’s President, who is nearing 92 years, does not wake up one morning?” Tendai Biti asked. Ok, that is a clearer question. But maybe Biti should have first asked Uncle Mugabe, who admitted a number of times, albeit jokingly, that he had died more times than Jesus, what he thinks about “˜not waking up.“ With many rumours of his deaths making news in recent years, does Biti mean temporary or the final death of President Mugabe?

Now that the former Vice President Joice mujuru is politically incapacitated within the ruling Zanu PF, and two antagonistic fronts – the Emerson Mnangagwa and Jonathan Moyo ““ are deeply engaged in a bitter factionalism, it does not take one to be a political mahogany to understand the impending Zimbabwean political tsunami.

But surprisingly, one would have expected the oppositions in Zimbabwe to capitalize on the divided house of the ruling party, and produce a major challenge to the ruling party. Hear Tendai Biti, leader of the People`s Democratic Party:
“The NTA will be a temporary government that will seek to avoid a war in Zimbabwe“¦.. There will be chaos in the faction-ridden Zanu PF and Zimbabwe needs a soft landing to avoid a total collapse.”

To the opposition, the Zanu PF government is a failure, factionalism within the party is tearing the government apart; the economy is in a shamble, the government is about to collapse“¦ The count goes on and on.

Mene mene tekel upharsin!! You hear that? Could this be a golden political opportunity for the opposition? Doesn`t this call for an urgent action on the part of the opposition? Might one think that the time is now ripe for the opposition to unite and fight a common “enemy?“
“Zanu PF and its cabinet ministers are now psychiatrics … destroying marriages by failing to create employment.“ The former Finance Minister, Tendai Biti accused.

Asked by Kata Kata reporter whether he was also one of the “psychiatrics“ as alleged by the opposition, President Mugabe smiled and chipped in confidently: “Thank God they didn`t accuse me of being in a mental asylum, as well.“ He added sarcastically “Or has anyone seen me near their wife? How is Mugabe destroying marriages?“

Definitely, anyone who underestimates President Robert Mugabe`s political wizardry and strategies is chewing the seed of foolishness and overconfidence. Many have come and gone; from the West to the South; from African countries to the European Union, President Mugabe is a figure some have learnt to love or hate. Not that he cares much what you think of him. Perhaps the question one must ask is: why has President Mugabe survived the political earthquakes all these years? Is he the Master of political dichotomy and Divide and Rule? Is the opposition divided, weak or more interested in personal ambitions and aggrandizements?

Until the opposition knows the real reason behind Uncle Mugabe`s political longevity, they will never know the best way to dislodge him ““ even if the ruling party is on its abysmal journey of doom. Otherwise, the wisest thing Zimbabweans must do at this juncture is indeed to pray that President Robert Mugabe wakes up every morning.
Mene mene tekel upharsin!! You still hear the warning?



The above story is a parody. It is entirely fictitious; therefore none of the characters mentioned in the story are real.